I need to explain the color scheme. People today would say my favorite color is pink (to borrow from cjane "pink is my power color"). But from the time I was little, purple was my favorite color. My birthday cakes were always purple. My room was purple. I always said I was going to drive a purple car (I'm glad I outgrew that idea!). All Charlie's life, his favorite color was orange. He had a bright orange bedspread and curtains. When we got married, our color scheme - can you guess? - was purple and orange. Okay, we weren't that tacky - it was lilac and peach. These two colors evoke emotions in me and are instant reminders of days past. Thank you Ashlie for making such a special cake. I was excited to get some Lovespell perfume/lotion/bathgel from Lorien's family. It has been my favorite scent for several years - and it's purple! I was on my last little spray so it was greatly appreciated. Jon's family (I know it was Ashlie's idea and that she went through a lot to get it for me) gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet - with a purple bead and an orange bead. And nothing beats blowing out candles with four grandgirls..
I had some surprise special birthday events. The next day, Heather & Fernando had a great Mullins family party for me - thank you for making me family! We had a great dinner and James entertained us when we watched Dave feed him - faster spoonfuls please! Cindy made her hot fudge sauce that I love - and just for me, minus the peanut butter. Jeanette surprised me at work the Friday before my birthday with flowers and jewelry - it really made my day. Then on Tuesday, two days after my birthday, I went out to dinner with Jean Bingham. This had been planned for several weeks and even postponed once, so I was completely unsuspecting. I was shocked when we walked in and Debbie Ennis was there and then Jeanette came in. We had so much fun just being together, talking and laughing. Jean made an amazing chocolate cake - thank you to all!
Wonder if you can guess what my favorite flavor is.....?
Birthdays are often a time to think back over life's events, but turning 53 was even more so for me. So many precious memories. So much happiness. So much love. So many regrets. We all have things we feel guilty for. Things we would do differently if we could go back in time. It seemed a little easier growing up as a Catholic - I could go to confession where you were hidden behind a screen, say "Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been two months since my last confession". I would list my sins, the priest would tell me to say two Hail Marys and four Our Fathers and my sins were forgiven. Simple. I wish. I look back on mistakes I made as a daughter. The hurts I caused my parents. I see the mistakes I made as a child of God. The things I did before I joined the church that I wish I hadn't. And even worse, the mistakes I've made since. I look back on what I would have done differently as a wife. As a mother. Most things I have felt forgiveness for. I have accepted that I can't go back and change them, no matter how much I want to. I can only try to do better now. There is a statement by Elaine Marshall that I have read many times recently - The last and greatest lesson of healing is that it is a divine gift always available from a loving Heavenly Father. If you have a pain or sorrow or disappointment or sin or just a grudge that needs healing, the Savior simply says, 'Come unto me'. This birthday has awakened in me a guilt I haven't been able to heal. A guilt that doesn't have a wrong that I can right. Not a sin that I have to confess. And yet the guilt is very real, very painful. I wonder if this guilt feeling will ever go away or will it always be with me? How do I stop feeling guilty because I am 53?
Hannah's birthday is on March 19, just a few days after mine. We had a big family party for her a week early at X-bos where the kids - and even some of us adults! - had fun climbing high in the air through the tubes and slides. At one point near the top you crawl across nylon mesh webbing open to the floor way below. I had trouble believing it could support us "big kids" so I crawled quickly!!!! Then you get "wrung" through some rollers, like an old-fashioned washing machine. Made for some sore knees - but LOTS of fun. Didn't get any pictures of our family at the party, but you can see by the smile on Hannah's face that she had a great time.
