I didn't want this day to pass without taking a few minutes to share my love for two very special men - my father, and the father of my children. Neither of them are here on earth anymore so I can only pray that my thoughts can be heard in Heaven.
My father was so wonderful to me. He was smart (propulsion, nuclear physics), he worked at the Pentagon, he loved to build rock walls and in so doing taught me to value hard work, patience, and striving for perfection. He built his own house. He could make anything and he could fix anything wrong on a car. He built our home with steel I-beams - wonderful for using to hoist an engine out of a car. I used to follow him around with my pacifier in my mouth "helping" him in the garage. He would say "abracadabra", wave his arms, and magically make a gumball appear. To me he was always Daddy and even as a teenager, I could still climb in his lap and give him a hug. I always knew I was the apple of his eye and that he loved me. He loved my children and went to every school and sporting event they were in. His last years were filled with pain, but he still came to watch them, to savor those last few treasured moments that gave him so much joy. Even though he has been gone for many years, I have never stopped missing him. Thank you dad for being my dad. I love you.
This is the first Father's Day without Charlie. The hurt is still raw and so painful. He should be here today, listening to wonderful stories about fathers at church, having a Father's Day dinner with our kids and grandkids. Charlie loved my dad. My dad spent many hours with him, teaching him about fixing our car or something in the house. So many of the things Charlie was able to do in our home was due to the lessons he learned from my dad. In turn, Charlie helped take care of my dad his last few years. He would carry him in his arms to the car so he could go to the doctor when my dad was unable to walk. He would come home from work to pick him up when he had fallen and my mom couldn't lift him. Charlie was a workaholic so when our kids were young, they each had a "daddy day" with him. It was a few hours set aside that were just him and Lorien or him and Jon to go do something fun. After he became a grandfather, he would often say that if he could change anything it would be that he would work a little less, and play with the kids a little more. He knew that the memories that are the most treasured are the ones where time is spent together. If he were here, I would love seeing him dressed up in his suit, to me there was just something special about the way he looked in one. If he were here, he would "fly" our granddaughters around the room and they would wait impatiently for their next turn. All they had to do was say "fly me again Grampie" and off they would go. If he were here, the hole in my heart would be filled. Thank you Charlie for your unending love - I love you.
5 comments:
Oh man, that was a rough one. Thank you for sharing your feelings and I loved seeing the pictures. I think you still look the same, just a little bigger :-) They truly were 2 amazing people and I am certain that they hear us. It was definitely a hard day. We did a craft in nursery and everyone went around the room and said something that they liked to do with their dad. I started so I could get through it and not look like a bubbering fool in front of the kids. He should be here. But I keep trying to understand the master plan. Love you.
I know what you mean about not wanting to look like a fool - I didn't want to cry through sacrament meeting and have everyone looking at me, so I just didn't go to church, mostly because I didn't want to be a distraction to others.
In that picture of me, I see a lot of Hannah! It's funny because with different pictures from my childhood I can find one that looks like each of my grandkids; sometimes it's just the expression on my face. Wonder how many people quit looking like their childhood pictures as they grow up? Too bad we can't keep the youthful skin!!!
Love,
Mom
I am glad that you are blogging these things. I wonder how you are doing and it's nice to get a glimpse into your thoughts and feelings. Miss you. *hugs*
I had a great memory of Charlie pop into my head the other day... it always makes me laugh.
How is it that he can be working upstairs through an entire 120-minute movie, except for walking past the TV during the 30 seconds of someone walking around half naked or something?
Then he'd say "My goodness" in that way of his and give that "I'm surprised at you" smile. The one that said you probably shouldn't be watching the movie, but didn't make you feel bad for doing it.
That is a trick and a skill that I hope to master someday.
I mentioned to Pokey a while back that I'd really like to go visit him some time soon if either of you would come with - I think I'd need the company. Would that be okay?
I was thinking about maybe the 4th (an especially good day for that, I think), but any saturday would be good too.
Miss you lots, Sally.
Thanks for that memory Jeff - I laughed out loud at work when I read it. It was as if he had a homing beacon - or some Star Trek ray - to bring him by at exactly the worst moment.
I'd be glad to go to the cemetary with you. I try to go once a month and put some fresh flowers there. The 4th would be a nice day to go - let's plan for it.
Love you guys!
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